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Duchess and the Oliver
Duchess and the Oliver is a spoof of Lady and the Tramp (1955). Cast: *Jim Dear - Fred Flintstone (from: The Flintstones (1960)) *Darling - Wilma Flintstone (from: The Flintstones (1960)) *Puppy Lady as Herself *Lady - Young Duchess (from: Duchess the White Cat (1988)) *Jock - Berlioz (from: The AristoCats (1970)) *Trusty - Toulouse (from: The AristoCats (1970)) *Tramp - Oliver (from: Oliver and Company (1988)) *Aunt Sarah - Cruella De Vil (from: 101 Dalmatians (1961)) *Newborn Jim, Jr. as Himself *Jim, Jr. - Michael Darling (from: Peter Pan (1953)) *Si - Kaa (from: The Jungle Book (1967)) *Am - Sir Hiss (from: Robin Hood (1973)) *Policeman - Gruffi Gummi (from: Gummi Bears (1985-95)) *Professor - Zummi Gummi (from: Gummi Bears (1985-95)) *Al the Alligator - Louie the Mountain Lion (from: Walt Disney (since 1928)) *Hyena as Itself *Mr. Busy - Gopher (from: Winnie the Pooh (since 1966)) *Tony - Chef Pisghetti (from: Curious George (2006-15)) *Joe as Himself *Toughy - Patch (from: 101 Dalmatians (1961)) *Pedro - Lucky (from: 101 Dalmatians (1961)) *Bull - Rolly (from: 101 Dalmatians (1961)) *Peg - Penny (from: 101 Dalmatians (1961)) *Annette, Collette and Danielle as Themselves *Puppy Scamp as Himself *Dogcatcher - Edgar Balthazar (from: The AristoCats (1970)) *Rat - Fidget (from: The Great Mouse Detective (1986)) Chapters: #Cast Video #"Peace on Earth"/Lady #Lady to Bed #Sunday/Fidget the Bat/Morning Paper #Duchess Talks to Berlioz and Toulouse #'What a Day'/Breakfast at Chef Pisghetti's #Warning/Breakout/Snob Hill #'A Wee Bairn'/Oliver Meets Duchess #Countdown to B-Day #"What is Michael Darling?"/"La La Lu" #Going Away/Aunt Cruella De Vil #"The Siamese Snake Song" #The Cuffs/Duchess Runs Off/Wrong Side of the Tracks #Through the Zoo #A Busy Gopher/A Log Puller #Footloose and Collar-Free/"Bella Notte" #The Next Morning/Chasing Robots/Caught #The Pound/"He's An Oliver" #Berlioz and Toulouse's Proposal/Duchess's Shame #The Bat Returns/Oliver vs. Fidget/Falsely Accused #Toulouse on the Trail #Visitors/Domestic Life #End Credits Quotes: :lines :Fred Flintstone/Jim Dear: Wilma/Darling a hatbox It's for you, Darling. Merry Christmas. :Wilma Flintstone/Darling: Oh, Jim Dear. It's the one I was admiring, isn't it? Trimmed with ribbons? :Fred/Jim Dear: Well, it has a ribbon. :box is opened; inside is a cocker spaniel puppy wearing a ribbon :Wilma/Darling: Oh, how sweet. puppy smiles after what Darling said :Fred/Jim Dear: You like her, Darling? :Wilma/Darling: the puppy Oh, I love her. What a perfectly beautiful little Lady. :Berlioz/Jock: Duchess/Lady Uh, please, lassie, uh, we've come with a-a proposition for helping you. :Young Duchess/Lady: Help me? What do you mean? :Berlioz/Jock: Now, uh, you see, lassie, neither of us is as young as we used to be. :Toulouse/Trusty: But we're still in the prime of life. :Berlioz/Jock: Aye, and we've both got very comfortable homes. :Toulouse/Trusty: That's right. Where we know you'll be welcome and appreciated, Miss Lady. :Berlioz/Jock: So, s-so to come directly to the point- :Toulouse/Trusty: If you could, uh, find it possible to, uh, to, uh, to, uh- :Duchess/Lady: You're both very kind, and I do appreciate it, but- :Oliver/Tramp: arrives with a bone, as he searches for Duchess/Lady Oh, Pigeon! Oh, Pige- Berlioz/Jock and Toulouse/Trusty Oh! Hi, boys. Anything new in the kennel club set? Duchess/Lady Little something I picked up for ya, Pige. Berlioz/Jock, and Toulouse/Trusty angrily turn their backs on him :Duchess/Lady: Hmph! :Oliver/Tramp: Looks like I'm the one that's in the doghouse. :Toulouse/Trusty: Duchess/Lady If this person is annoyin' you, Miss Lady- :Berlioz/Jock: Duchess/Lady We'll gladly throw the rascal out! :Duchess/Lady: That won't be necessary. Thank you. :Toulouse/Trusty: Very well, ma'am. :Berlioz/Jock: Oliver/Tramp You, you MONGREL!!! :and Toulouse/Trusty both leave Duchess/Lady and Oliver/Tramp, and walk out :Oliver/Tramp: Duchess/Lady Aw, come on, Pige. I-It wasn't my fault. :Duchess/Lady: Hmph! :Oliver/Tramp: I thought you were right behind me. Honest! :Duchess/Lady: Hmph! :Oliver/Tramp: When I heard they'd taken you to the pound, I... :Duchess/Lady: Oh! Don't even mention that horrible place. I was so embarrassed and, and frightened. sighing angrily :Oliver/Tramp: Oh, now, now, now. Who could ever harm a cute little trick like you? :Duchess/Lady: Trick? Trick! That reminds me. :thunderclap :Duchess/Lady: Who is Trixie? :Oliver/Tramp: Trixie? :Duchess/Lady: And Lulu? And Fifi? And Rosita Chiquita w-w-whatever her name is? :Oliver/Tramp: Ch-Chiquita...Chiquita? Oh...Oh! Yes! Well, I-I-I can explain... :Duchess/Lady: As far as I'm concerned, you needn't worry about your old heel. :Oliver/Tramp: M-M-My heel? :Duchess/Lady: I don't need you to shelter and protect me. :Oliver/Tramp: Yes, b-but, but, but... :Duchess/Lady: If you grow careless, don't blame me. And I don't care if the Cossacks do pick you up. Goodbye! And take this with you! back the bone Duchess/Tramp gave her. He sadly leaves as Duchess/Lady goes into the doghouse sighing angrily; as Oliver/Tramp exits the yard, Fidget/the rat Duchess/Lady chased earlier comes out from behind a fence and sneaks into the yard. Duchess/Lady hears Fidget/the rat and lunges at it, meowing and growling. Fidget/the rat flies the tree, onto the house; Oliver/Tramp hears her meowing and senses trouble. Duchess/Lady's meowing gets Cruella/Aunt Sarah's attention; she turns on the light, scaring Fidget/the rat :Cruella De Vil/Aunt Sarah: opening the window Stop that! Hush, now. Hush! continues meowinging as Fidget/the rat goes through the open window into the nursery Stop that racket! closes the window and turns off the light :Oliver/Tramp: returning to the backyard What's wrong, Pige? :Duchess/Lady: A bat! :Oliver/Tramp: shocked Where? :Duchess/Lady: Upstairs, in Michael's room. :Oliver/Tramp: How do I get in? :Duchess/Lady: The little door, on the porch. doesn't hesitate to run up the steps, through the dog door, and into the house. He goes upstairs, sniffs at the bedroom door, and then proceeds to the nursery's open door: He immediately sees Fidget/the rat in a corner and growls at it; the rat glares at Oliver/Tramp with a hiss. Oliver/Tramp approaches the rat with a growl, and then chases it around the room; outside, Duchess/Lady breaks her chain and hurries to help him. Oliver/Tramp battles the rat, knocking over the crib, and ultimately kills it; the sound of the chaos awakens Cruella/Aunt Sarah :Cruella/Aunt Sarah: the nursery Merciful heavens! Oh, you poor little darling. Oh, no, no, no. Thank goodness you're not hurt, you... Duchess/Lady and Oliver/Tramp and becomes convinced they did it You vicious brute! a broom at them, Duchess/Lady dodges as Oliver/Tramp backs away into a broom closet Back, get back! Go, go on! Get back! closes the closet door and puts a chair in front of it The pound. The pound, that's it. I'll call the pound. attempts to show Cruella/Aunt Sarah the dead Fidget/rat and clear up the misunderstanding, but Cruella/Aunt Sarah grabs her chain before she can and roughly drags her out of the room Come here. Come here! Duchess/Lady downstairs Come on. Come on! Come along. Come along this minute. Stay away from that brute in the house. Duchess/Lady in the basement and locks the door before going to the phone; Duchess/Lady attempts to escape, to no avail Hello? Hello! I don't care if you are a lonely young man. I insist that you pick him up immediately! :Fred/Jim Dear: and Wilma/Darling're just arriving and see Edgar/the Dog Catcher's wagon in front of their house Darling, look. :Cruella/Aunt Sarah: Edgar/the Dog Catcher And if you want my advice, you'll destroy that animal at once. :Edgar Balthazar/Dog Catcher: Oliver/Tramp to his wagon Don't worry, Ma'am. We've been after this one for months. We'll take care of him. :Wilma/Darling: Berlioz/Jock and Toulouse/Trusty watch Oliver/Tramp being loaded onto the wagon What do you suppose...? :Fred/Jim Dear: Say, what's going on here? :Edgar/Dog Catcher: Just picking up a stray, mister. Come on, giddyup! Reported attacking Michael. :Fred/Jim Dear: Good heavens! :Wilma/Darling: Michael! race for the door :Fred/Jim Dear: Aunt Cruella! :Wilma/Darling: Aunt Cruella! Aunt Cruella! :Fred/Jim Dear: Aunt Cruella! :Wilma/Darling: Aunt Cruella! enter the house :Berlioz/Jock: I was certain he was no good the moment I first laid eyes on him. :Toulouse/Trusty: and Berlioz/Jock walk up to the door to find out what's going on Yeah, but, uh... I never thought he'd do a thing like that. :Cruella/Aunt Sarah: still locked in the basement, overhears Fred/Jim Dear and Wilma/Darling talking to Cruella/Aunt Sarah and gets excited Thank goodness I got there in time. There they were, crib overturned-- :Fred/Jim Dear: Oh, I'm sure there must be some mistake. I know they wouldn't... the basement door and lets Duchess/Lady out :Cruella/Aunt Sarah: Watch out. That cat's loose. Keep her away! :Fred/Jim Dear: Nonsense, she's trying to tell us something. Duchess/Lady into the nursery What is it, old girl? What are you trying...? pulls back the curtain and finds the dead Fidget/rat Darling, Aunt Sarah, come here! :Wilma/Darling: What is it, Jim? :Cruella/Aunt Sarah: Fidget/the rat and screams A bat! :Toulouse/Trusty: and Berlioz/Jock are listening from the front door A bat? We should've known. :Berlioz/Jock: feeling guilty I misjudged him... badly. :Toulouse/Trusty: Come on. We've got to stop that wagon. :Berlioz/Jock: after Trusty But mon, we don't know which way they've gone. :Toulouse/Trusty: We'll track 'em down. :Berlioz/Jock: And then? :Toulouse/Trusty: We hold 'em, hold 'em at bay. race through the streets; Toulouse/Trusty stops and begins sniffing around :Berlioz/Jock: Now what? :Toulouse/Trusty: The scent. Follow the scent. :Berlioz/Jock: exasperated Ugh, let's face it, mon. We both know you've lost your sense of smell. glares at Berlioz/Jock and sniffs at him, and continues sniffing around, and howls as soon as he realizes they're on the right track; the wagon is just a few yards away from the pound; Oliver/Tramp hears Toulouse/Trusty howling, and looks out to see him and Berlioz/Jock hurrying to the rescue. They get alongside the horses and meow at them :Edgar/Dog Catcher: annoyed Go on, get out of here! Go on, you, get away! startled horses whinny Take it easy. Go on, you, get away! Go on, get away! Watch it now. Watch it, watch it! wagon tips over. Fred/Jim Dear, Wilma/Darling, Cruella/Aunt Sarah, and Duchess/Lady drive up to the scene; the three adults approach Edgar/the Dog Catcher and explain the whole thing earlier was a misunderstanding as Duchess/Lady approaches Oliver/Tramp :Oliver/Tramp: that Duchess/Lady came to save him Hi, Pige. :Kaa/Si and Sir Hiss/Am: singing We are Siamese, if you please! We are Siamese if you don't please! :Berlioz/Jock: Lassie! Lassie! :Toulouse/Trusty: Oh, Miss Lady, ma'am! Miss Lady! :Berlioz/Jock: Ah, good mornin', lassie. 'Tis a bonny, braw, bright day, uh, today. :Toulouse/Trusty: Why, Miss Lady, is, uh, somethin' wrong? :Berlioz/Jock: Aye, tell us, lassie. If somebody's been mistreatin' ya- :Duchess/Lady: Oh, no, Jock. It's something I've done, I guess. :Berlioz/Jock: You? :Duchess/Lady: It must be. Jim Dear and Darling are acting so- :Toulouse/Trusty: Duchess/Lady Jim Dear and Darling? :Berlioz/Jock: Toulouse/Trusty Hush, mon! Duchess/Lady Now, lassie, get on with the details. :Duchess/Lady: Well, I first noticed it the other day when Jim Dear came home. :Oliver/Tramp: Well, here we are. :Duchess/Lady: The zoo? :Oliver/Tramp: Sure! No, no. This way. Follow me. :zoo security guard hums an Irish folk song :Duchess/Lady: Oh! :Oliver/Tramp: What's the matter, Pige? :Duchess/Lady: We can't go in. :Oliver/Tramp: Why not? :Duchess/Lady: Well, the sign says... :Oliver/Tramp: Yeah, well, well, that's... That's the angle. :Duchess/Lady: Angle? :Oliver/Tramp: Look, we'll just wait for the right... professor appears Uh-oh! Here we are now. Just lay low. :Tramp whistles at Gruffi/the zoo security guard, then meows :Gruffi Gummi/Zoo Security Guard: Hey, you! :Zummi Gummi/Professor: Uh, I beg your pardon? Were you addressing me? :Gruffi/Zoo Security Guard: All right! What's the matter?! Zummi/the professor the "no cats allowed" sign Can't you read?! :Zummi/Professor: Why, yes. Several languages. :Gruffi/Zoo Security Guard: Oh, a wise guy, eh? Tramp growls viciously at Gruffi/the zoo security guard All right, now... to Oliver/the Tramp ...what's this creature doing here? :Oliver/Tramp: and bites on Gruffi/the zoo security guard's nightstick :Zummi/Professor: He's not my cat. Tramp jumps into Zummi/the professor's arms :Gruffi/Zoo Security Guard: Oh, he's not, eh?! Tramp meows at Gruffi/the zoo security guard :Zummi/Professor: Let go! Go away! Go on! Why, certainly not, officer. :Gruffi/Zoo Security Guard: Aye, and I suppose you'll be telling me next that it was the cat that was whistling, eh?! :Zummi/Professor: I-I-I'm certain I don't know. :Gruffi/Zoo Security Guard: Oh, so, I'm a liar now, am I?! angrily Well, you listen to me! AHA! Resisting an officer of the law! Tramp tears off the back of Zummi/the professor's suit, in order to provoke him into getting into trouble with Gruffi/the zoo security guard Oh, you're going to pay! Tramp bites Gruffi/the zoo security guard's buttocks OW!! Pull a knife on me, would you?! Trying to assassinate me, are you?! Carrying a concealed weapon! zoo security guard's and Zummi/the professor's fight makes some nearby elephants, lions, and giraffes think Gruffi/the zoo security guard and Zummi/the professor both have gone crazy, as they watch the fight from their exhibits :Oliver/Tramp: meowing, then to Duchess/Lady Come on, Pige. The place is ours. enters the zoo with Duchess/Lady, as Gruffi/the zoo security guard and Zummi/the professor continue fighting and arguing :Oliver/Tramp: We better go through this place from A to Z. Apes. No, no, no, no. No use even asking them. :of the apes in their cage scratches his head at Duchess/Lady and Oliver/Tramp, while the other two both look at the audience :Oliver/Tramp: They wouldn't understand. :Duchess/Lady: They wouldn't? :Oliver/Tramp: Uh-uh. Too closely related to humans. Uh-oh! lions. Now, there's an idea! Louie the Mountain Lion/the Alligator about the muzzle Say, Louie? Do you suppose you could nip this contraption off for us? :Louie/Alligator: Glad to oblige. his mouth wide to the point where Duchess/Lady's entire head can fit in it :Oliver/Tramp: Whoa! WHOA!!!! Alligator nearly and accidentally, bites Duchess/Lady's head off, but the Oliver/Tramp saves her at the last second; the elephants and the lions both start trumpeting and roaring in the background, as a hyena laughs hysterically in his cage at both Duchess/Lady and Oliver/Tramp Hmph! If anybody ever needed a muzzle, it's him. :Gopher/Beaver: off-screen TIMBER!!!! :Oliver/Tramp: Hey, Pigeon! Look out! tree falls over close to the cats/dogs Now, what hair-brained idiot would... a gopher/beaver gnawing on the tree Hey, look! A gopher! Here's the answer to our problem! :Gopher/Beaver: the tree Let me see here... 6 foot 6 and 7/16 inches. :Oliver/Tramp: Uh... Pardon me, friend! I wonder if you'd do us a little... :Gopher/Beaver: Busy, sonny! Busy! Can't stop to gossip now. to push the tree Gotta slide this sycamore to...the swamp. :Oliver/Tramp: Yeah, well, this will only take a second of your time. :Gopher/Beaver: Only a second?! L-Listen! Listen, sonny! Do you realize every second 70 centimeters of water is wasted over that spill-way?! to his unfinished dam :Oliver/Tramp: Yeah, but... :Gopher/Beaver: Gotta get this log moving, sonny! Gotta get it moving! T'ain't the cuttin' takes some time! It's the doggone haulin'! :Oliver/Tramp: the leash to Duchess/Lady's muzzle and the limb on the tree The haulin'! Exactly! Now, what you need is a... :Gopher/Beaver: I'd better bisect this section here. gnawing on the log :Oliver/Tramp: What you need is a log puller! beaver gnaws loudly I SAID A LOG PULLER!!!! :Gopher/Beaver: I ain't "deaf", sonny. There's no need to... Did you say, "log puller"?! :Oliver/Tramp: And by a lucky coincidence, you see before you, modeled by the lovely little lady, the new, improved, patented, handy-dandy, never-failed, little-giant log puller! The Busy Gopher's Friend! :Gopher/Beaver: You don't say! :Oliver/Tramp: Guaranteed not to wear, tear, rip, or ravel! Turn around, sister, and show the customer the merchandise. And it cuts log-hauling time 66%! :Gopher/Beaver: 66%, eh?! chuckles Think of that! Well, how does it work? :Oliver/Tramp: Why, it's no work at all. You neatly slip this ring into the limb like this... the leash of Duchess/Lady's muzzle into the limb of the log and haul it off! :Gopher/Beaver: Say, you mind if I slip it on for size? :Oliver/Tramp: Help yourself, friend! Help yourself! :Gopher/Beaver: Okay, don't mind if I do! on the rope to Duchess/Lady's muzzle How do you get the "consarned" thing off, sonny? :Oliver/Tramp: Glad you brought that up, friend. Glad you brought that up. To remove it, simply place the strap between your teeth. :Gopher/Beaver: Like this? the strap of Duchess/Lady's muzzle between his teeth :Oliver/Tramp: Correct, friend! Now bite hard! beaver bites the strap of the muzzle, removing it from Duchess/Lady You see? :Duchess/Lady: It's off! :Gopher/Beaver: Say, that is simple! :Oliver/Tramp: Well, friend, we'll be on our way now, so... :Gopher/Beaver: Uh-uh-uh-uh! Not so fast now, sonny! on the muzzle I'll have to make certain it's satisfactory before we settle on a price. :Oliver/Tramp: Oh, no! It's all yours, friend! You can keep it! :Gopher/Beaver: Uh, I can, huh? I can?! :Duchess/Lady: Uh-huh. It's a free sample. is astonished by this remark :Gopher/Beaver: Well, thanks a lot! Thanks ever so... log rolls down the hill, causing Gopher/the beaver to tumble with it; when the log hits the river, it blocks it completely, completing the dam Say! It works ''sweeeeeeell! squirts out of Gopher/the beaver's mouth'' :Chef Pisghetti/Tony: Duchess/Lady and Oliver/the Tramp in an Italian accent Now-a, first-a we fix-a the table-a. :Joe: Here are-a your bones-a, Tony! with a plate of bones :Pisghetti/Tony: OK-a. in confusion then hits the plate of bones in the air BONES-A?! What's-a the matter-a for-a you-a, Joe?! I an R break-a your face-a! Tonight-a, Butch-a, he's-a get-a the best-a in-a the house-a! :Joe: OK, Tony. You the boss-a. into the kitchen to cook Duchess/Lady and Oliver/the Tramp something fancy :Berlioz/Jock: Courage, mon. Courage. :Toulouse/Trusty: But, I-I've never even considered matrimony. :Berlioz/Jock: Nor I, but no matter which of us she accepts, we'll always be the best of friends. Now remember, not a word about her unfortunate experience. You don't want to hurt her feelings. :Toulouse/Trusty: Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. :Berlioz/Jock: Lassie. :Toulouse/Trusty: Miss Lady, ma'am. :Duchess/Lady: Please, I don't want to see anybody. :Berlioz/Jock: Now, now, lassie. Do not feel that way about it. :Toulouse/Trusty: Of course not, Miss Lady. mocking Duchess/Lady Why, some of the finest people I ever tracked down were jail birds. :Berlioz/Jock: angrily QUIET, in fright hits his head onto the dog house you great loony! :Oliver/Tramp: into a pet shop window and sees three adorable puppies, sleeping, until one of them walks closer to him Aw, cute little rascals! puppy yaps happily A-cootchie-cootchie-cootchie-cootchie-coo! :lines :Toulouse/Trusty: Lady and Tramp's puppies As my grand pappy, Old Reliable, used to say...I don't recollect if I've ever mentioned Old Reliable before. :Annette, Collette, and Danielle: unison No, you haven't, Uncle Trusty. :Toulouse/Trusty: Huh? I haven't? Well, uh, as Old Reliable used to say... He'd say, uh, uh... He'd say, uh, uh... Doggone. You know, I clean forgot what it was he used to say. Category:Lady and the Tramp Spoofs Category:Lady and the Tramp Movie Spoofs Category:Lady and the Tramp Movies Spoofs